Termination Guide - Navigating the Inhumane with Humanity
Letting someone go is never easy. For a new manager with no prior experience, it can feel overwhelming and deeply unsettling. It’s not just about following HR protocol; it’s about grappling with the emotional weight and finding a way to deliver the news with compassion.
I was recently checking in with a client casually via text between our regular appointments. He had been recently promoted to a leadership role and I knew he was going through a whole ton of new things.
It was a good thing I did.
He had just been given one of the most horrible leadership tasks of all: terminating greatly valued employees, through no fault of their own.
What follows is a guide inspired by that conversation, aimed to support those who are stepping into this uncomfortable territory for the first time.
(Real What’sApp chat: names and identities have been changed. A is me, Anna - the coach; B is my client. We have been working together for three years, and the relationship is trusted and close)
A: Hi there! 👋
A: How are things?
B: Things are ok.
B: I have to let 2 people go soon. So that's not great
A: 😯
A: When, though?
B: It will be a part of the next round across the org. Don't have dates yet
A: Do you have a plan or will hr assist
B: I know the people - I want to do it
B: But still it's not easy
B: Tbh I've never terminated / let anyone go
A: Will hr help you with a plan, would you like me to help you, or ...
B: So I'm still wrestling with emotions
A: OK yes that's what I mean
B: Gotcha. I mean HR will have something.
B: There are mandatory statements I need to say
A: We use "family" and "terminate" in the same culture. So stupid.
B: Like "we're eliminating your position" and "today is your last working day"
B: "We use 'family'..." There is no family in the workplace. Unless it's a family-owned business. A: (sends voice mail): "Ok. There's a ways and means of doing this. You can be human first, and then say: 'When you've had a chance to catch your breath, we can have another meeting and I need to go through some mandatory statements and protocol. You don't have to do it all at once.'"
B: 👍
B: I think I actually have to do it all at once in that 30-minute meeting.
B: And then they will be walked out. Not go back to their desks.
A: Firing on the same day hey. Today's your last working day hey. Sounds like a super culture hey 🙄
B: The whole thing is just very ...
A: I'm so sorry. That's really painful for everyone.
A: It's cruel, but in many cases the org has to protect themselves from sabotage or motional acts that could damage others or property - I get it.
B: tbh. I just hope that they decide to wfh that day.
B: It's a lot more dignified for them. Still cruel but less than if in person.
B: And I can't tell them to wfh.
A: Then you can't garnishee their phone, company property, and publicly humiliate them as you march them out of the building with the pictures of their children poking out of the box they carry out like their own coffin 😬
A: Sorry I'm being sarcastic - I really feel this whole situation.
A: I hate the cruelty of workplaces so much I've built a career out of helping people navigate them.
B: Exactly. I hate this whole thing more than you know. But I'm legally bound to say the things they are asking otherwise it could backfire on them / me.
A: Yes
A: (adds voice mail): "B, can you think of ... I'm just brainstorming here, but can you have something like a bouquet of flowers, or dinner for them and their spouse, or something like that waiting for them at home or delivered to them at home in the next couple of days ... or that day, depending on how you think it should work, with a handwritten note from you just telling how much they've meant to you and the contributions they've made and how difficult this was, and that they can count on you anytime for a letter of reference or something like that - to make it more human? Is that something that you could consider?"
B: That is a good idea. I hadn't thought of that. Let me think about it - BRB I have to get into a meeting, but please let's discuss.
A Heavy Burden
One of the hardest truths about being in a leadership role is that you may have to make decisions that negatively impact someone’s life. My client felt a heavy responsibility, not just to deliver the message but to do so in a way that respected the dignity of the people being let go. "I know the people - I want to do it," they said. It wasn’t about passing the task to HR. It was about taking personal accountability.
Feeling the Weight of the Words
Workplace language can feel shockingly cold. Terms like "eliminating the position" and "today is your last working day" strip away humanity, turning personal loss into corporate procedure. As my client lamented, "There is no family in the workplace. Unless it’s a family-owned business."
This disconnect between workplace rhetoric and personal connection creates a profound emotional conflict. It’s normal to wrestle with those feelings. Acknowledging them is the first step toward handling the situation with compassion.
Being Human First
One thing I emphasized was the importance of being humane first. The legal statements might be mandatory, but the tone and delivery are within your control. You can take a moment to breathe, offer empathy, and give space for the other person to process.
Consider starting with something like:
"I want you to know this is incredibly difficult for me to say, and I can only imagine how hard it is to hear. Before we go over the formalities, I want to acknowledge your contributions and the impact you’ve made here."
Small gestures can soften the harshness, and underscore the difference between corporate policy and the personal connection you have - which certainly can endure after they’ve been “let go”. I suggested having something waiting for them at home - flowers, dinner for their family, or even a handwritten note expressing gratitude and offering support for their next steps. My client appreciated the idea and promised to think about it.
Navigating the Aftermath
Once the difficult conversation ends, the aftermath can feel cold and abrupt. My client shared that after delivering the news, the employees would be escorted out without returning to their desks. "It’s a lot more dignified for them to work from home that day," they said. Unfortunately, they weren’t in a position to make that call.
In these situations, even the smallest human gestures can make a difference. A personal follow-up email, a phone call, and offering to write a reference can go a long way toward restoring dignity after such a painful moment. Opening up your network to them, and making introductions as appropriate puts action behind intention.
Support Required!
Like anyone working in psychology, mental health, leadership - it’s essential that you, yourself, get support. Don’t expect to go through this and just tuck it away somewhere in the “nasty memories we’d rather not deal with” department. (Usually somewhere between your gut and your nerves and your ability to sleep at night.) Find a mentor, supervisor, or coach who you can confide in, discuss your approach, and go over any missteps or improvements. Quite often, its simply relieving and comforting to hear someone’s perspective who’s been there, done that and has valuable lessons learned to share.
Finding Your Own Compassion
If you’re in the position of having to lay someone off, remember: it’s okay to feel uncomfortable. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re a feeling, functioning human. Lean into that discomfort. It means you care. Your compassion will show, even if the process itself feels heartless.
No matter how cruel the system, your humanity can make a world of difference. It won’t fix everything, but it will be remembered.
And sometimes, that’s enough.
About the Author
Anna is an organizational psychologist and executive coach, with a special interest in all things technology. We’re part of the team at Garleff Coaching and Consulting Group. If this article has struck a chord, please let us know.
Anna Garleff Cell: +1 587 224 3793 / anna@garleffcoaching.com
www.garleffcoaching.com
