Being Human - Pretty Intense
Most people know that coaching works as a type of intervention in acute phases of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Or when you're just not seeing the forest for the trees, and getting overwhelmed with the endless list of "stuff" there is to accomplish. Coaching can also help with the twisted lies we tell ourselves in order to explain the unexplainable, bear the unbearable, shift the blame, and escape the chokehold of limiting beliefs.
The surprise is experiencing how seemingly random events, problems, and patches of quicksand are actually a related web that forms a behavioral pattern: a script, a template, a character, a predictability. Things happen to us because of the choices we make -- yet it feels so random. And yes, bad things happen to good people -- but it is how we deal with them that makes all the difference.
Having the right skills, beliefs, support systems, and tools are essential to making different, more constructive decisions. You CAN change, repair, and circumnavigate the chaos and inner turmoil that seems to pop up again and again. It IS possible to join the dots of the past with the present, through the process of becoming.
"Becoming ... what?!" you may well ask.
Becoming the next iteration of your past self!
We are not called "human beings" for nothing. We are humans, being. We're constantly evolving, changing, growing, adapting, striving, failing, and trying again. That, I would say, is the purpose of time and space. As humans, being, we are in the process of becoming the results of our choices and opportunities.
We can learn to make wiser choices and break old patterns. Moreover, recognizing opportunities and truly believing in our right to participate in them, is probably the most transformative thing we will ever do.
Back in the 1950s, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi left Transylvania at the age of 22 to immigrate to the States. He worked nights to get himself through the University of Chicago and ultimately became a professor there. He is one of my academic heroes, for sure. He is the world's leading researcher on the subject of positive psychology and introduced the world to the concept of "flow".
This has a profound impact on my work, as an artist, as a psychologist, and as a teacher.
These days, we might describe it as "being in the zone." It's those precious moments in time where our purpose, talents, creativity, and focus align. It's peak performance. It's what the world of work is constantly trying to squeeze out of us and what every human actually hopes for when they make their way to the office every morning.
But let's be serious for a moment: The jokes about office slavery are as old as the concept of the office itself (Hello, ancient Rome). There was an entire TV series called “The Office” (BBC, 2001), and the American version ran nine seasons. Maybe we really are " ...just another brick in the wall" as Pink Floyd chanted.
So, where's the disconnect? What happened to "flow"?! People yearn to experience flow; to contribute; to be recognized, valued, and spend the precious minutes, hours, and years of their lives doing something that actually matters. Employers want their human "resources" (assets to be deployed) to produce, perform, provide an ROI.
"Flow", however, is contingent on "The Muse" and our own emotional availability. The Muses were nine Greek goddesses considered the source of knowledge and inspiration. The daughters of Zeus figured as personifications of poetry, history, hymn, literature, dance, astronomy, comedy, tragedy, and music. To this day, artists and writers wait for their "muse" to arrive so they get on with the creative process. Our sense of flow can emerge like a chrysalis when the environmental conditions are right.
Yet this isn't some magical, mystical summoning. It's the ability to sit calmly with both your anxious self and your successful self at the same time. Your inner child who guards your memories, your current self who is trying to join the dots of what's happening and make better decisions, and your future self -- the one you're striving to become.
The relentless pressure of the "organizational imperative" is crushing: Be more of this - but not too much of that. Be compassionate, decisive, creative, analytical, wise and humble. The list goes on and on. Not only is our "to-be" list endless (add it to the "to-do" list"), it's contradictory, and adversarial.
It seems, we are never enough.
And how can we be, when we're never "finished"? There's not a finish line, a baker's timer, or a tools-down whistle.
Or is there?
I didn't realize when I began writing this article that I would end up at bereavement, but here we are. We are born with everything and then lose it bit by bit. You're born with nothing and acquire it year by year. Two things hold true at the same time. "Youth is wasted on the young," said Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw or the Bible - pick one. I think nearly every old person says it eventually.
The wiser our minds become, the less able our bodies.
Mind / body dualism as posited by Rene Descartes and others, views the mind and the body as fundamentally distinct kinds of substances or natures.
So who, or what, exactly, is in the process of becoming?
Contemporary humans have largely set aside Soul in our focus on this mind / body duality. Yet fundamentally, we are Spirit. The life experiences we undergo are choices made in the service of Spirit. In other words, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
At first this seems angry, trite, and punishing. Paradoxically, it is only through suffering that we can develop deep compassion.
In the era of I-Me-Mine, I-phone, I-pad, and smartphones in the dark, we desperately reach for connection. We can be alone in a room full of people.
How ironic that in connecting with Spirit, we are never alone. What feeds Spirit is flow.
I'm not saying for one second that coaching should take the place of ministry or faith. What I AM saying is that in order to figure ourselves out, we must provide support to our whole personhood. We are not the sum of our skills and certifications. Our value is not the sum of our bank accounts, our worth is not the likes on social media.
Fundamentally, we are the sum of our intent, words, and deeds. Human-to-human connection is what helps us figure it out.
About the Author
Anna is an organizational psychologist and executive coach, with a special interest in all things technology. We’re part of the team at Garleff Coaching and Consulting Group. If this article has struck a chord, please let us know.
Anna Garleff Cell: +1 587 224 3793 / anna@garleffcoaching.com
www.garleffcoaching.com
